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05-09-06: Can't you see I'm here it's me the lady with the energy
Surprise two of our E3 surprises!
In between doing her make-up and having sex with seven guys at the same time, a girl, yes, a FEMALE HUMAN, wrote a review of Harvest Moon: Magical Melody for us. We're the first and only video game website on the internet to have a female staffer, so you'd best hurry on over to Features and give it a read. We don't want her feeling left out.
Are there more surprises yet to come? If I told you, I'd be breaking NDA, so who knows! Maybe! Maybe not, even!
Edit: 3:13 pm -- oh ho ho, what's this, our last surprise before E3? What is it, you ask? Actually, it's just a regular article by Miguel Herrera, whom you may or may not know as Mike T. Warrior. The surprise is that there was no surprise! SUCKERS!!! Anyway, haz clic aqui.
05-08-06: Lost Soul Bent on Revenge
Here comes the first of our many E3 surprises!
Cinema superstar Chris Tucker took time out of his busy schedule to review Perfect Dark Zero for us. I'm not sure why he chose our site; perhaps we have a cult celebrity following that I don't know about. Anyway, check it out over in our packed-like-your-mother Features section.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to take a moment to lament the loss of something very near and dear to my heart. Nearly one month ago, the greatest webcomic ever to grace the internet met an incredibly sad, premature death. The circumstances surrounding its cancellation remain a mystery even to this day. But it will live on! It will live on in my heart and the hearts of true gamers everywhere. Safe Haven, we salute you. May you rest in peace...
05-07-06: War in China. Liu Kang. Shaolin monk.
I promised more updates, and this time I actually delivered!
We got a nice editorial from guest writer BreakyBoy, also known as Andres Rojas, over in features. If you don't check it out, I will kill you. I will kill you.
Even more goodies await as we prepare for E3! Expect many exclusives!
05-06-06: Master! We're in a Tight Spot!
Now that Joshums has been knocked out and stuffed back in his suitcase, it's time for me to start updating again!
Today I bring you my definitive review of Killer 7. If you haven't read it yet, check out some of the hilarious things Jack Thompson has to say about Killer 7. I bought the game expecting full-blown sex sequences, and I was very disappointed. STOP THE LYING, JACK!
Expect more features and news stories in the days ahead. Why? uh... j-just because...
04-05-06: Episode VI: Return of teh Joshums
It's been seven months since our last update. Simply unacceptable, Rimmer. DJ Joshums is in da hizouse to make things
a little better.
Not much new stuff. Staff members have been busy studying for finals because we are all college students and only college
students play video games and they play good games like Halo, Doom 3, and all those WWII games. Oh, there is a movie review in our
features section. Check it out! Also, our chat group has started hax0ring comics. Pls check out them by clicking on the Safe Haven link on the right of our page.
You can expect another update relatively soon because our staffers are required to write an article within 6 months of E3 in order to get a media badge we are
a professional business that updates regularly.
09-02-05: TEH
Whoa, hey, we're not dead. Not that long absences are unfamiliar territory around here. Yeah...
Rather than writing a news story about this, I figured it'd be best to just toss it into the front page. The kind folks over at Bungie have thrown together a neat way to raise money to help victims of Hurricane Katrina's recent raping of the Gulf Coast. They're selling swank t-shirts out of their store, and about 75% of money goes to something or other. I lost what I said here before because Joshums is a fag.
I bet you're reading this expecting me to tell you about what's in store for future updates. I bet you didn't even buy a shirt or donate any money. You know what? You make me SICK!
05-26-05: Sup in here
Hello to all the fag0ts in DBG land! I said I'd be updating if given the chance, and here I am!
Okay, so there isn't really an actual update per se, but I did manage to tidy up the Staff page to reflect upon recent fag0try, and I also managed to get the java chat up and running so any of you average joes can meet the Internet Superstars of DBG!
05-16-05: Pierre explodier
SS4Gogita promised to update if we gave him access to the, uh, updating stuff. So we did. And he never updated. JERK!
Hey! Features is EXPLODING with content! What the hell? Articles out the wazoo! This is how we make long absences up to you. We here at DBG want to know that we love and value every one of our two or three readers. Seriously. If one of you is a hot chick, I'll treat you to dinner sometime. Even if you're not hot. You don't have to be a chick, either.
More updates eventually, I'm sure!
03-06-05: We have a website on the internets now?
Joshums is dead. Tower is dead, along with all our contests. There remain only...screw it, we're updating again! Despite the fact that I'm swamped with a job, I'm still making the effort to keep DBG afloat, because lord knows Joshums isn't going to. He's abandoned the internet. For shame.
News story! The first of a wave of two or three to come, I'm sure. And I still need to write that damn RE4 review. I promise that before the middle of May, just you wait!
More updates semi-soon, I promise, I sssssssssssssswear!
10-10-04: Actual content!
Joshums ended up winning the Full House trivia, in case anyone was curious. I would've won if I hadn't have missed the first
five questions, but oh well. Prizes will be sent out soon! I think...
Anyway, those of you who have been with us from the very beginning will no doubt remember old staffer Hellfyre. After training
in another dimension for the World Martial Arts Tournament, he's back -- complete with name change -- to provide us with some content, since our other dozen-or-so
staffers are completely useless. Jerks. Check out Features for his review of Katamari Damacy! DO IT!
Other content? There are numerous news stories that need writing up, but we're verrrry lazy. Oh well. Maybe there'll be
a Halloween contest if you kids play your cards right. Don't hold your breath, though. See ya in the funny pages!
9-12-04: Prize Trivia Details!
Hay guys the prize trivia that was supposed to be held yesterday, September 11th, was cancelled. A new date and time has
been selected and cancellation is not an option this time! Tower's Full House Prize Trivia will be held on Tuesday, September
14 at 8:00PM PDT. Show up for your chance to win a Full House novel or some pr0n.
8-25-04: Congratulations mdm!!!!1112
The entries are in, the lines are closed, and we have ourselves a winner. DBG's very own mdm has won himself a free copy
of Pikmin 2 compliments of our very own Tower. Why was his entry so much better than everyone elses? Head on over to our
features section to view all the entries and decide for yourselves.
Dreams really do come true folks, and it's the good people here at DBG who make those dreams come true. Keep visiting the site for our
content and our future promotions.
Now one more thing I have to say, we sleep with 25 women a day we now have a Direct Connect hub. Share all your
hard earned files with others who have cool stuff by pointing
your direct connect application to dontblamegames.com:4111
8-18-04: More Contest Goodies!
We have more information regarding our next contest! The contest is... Full House Trivia! to be held on September 11th,
in remembrance of all those who have died for our country. The second prize (the first being Dude of My Dreams, remember) is
this!
Hope you like hentai! I know I sure do! Study up on your Full House, kids!
And don't forget about the Pikmin 2 contest still running. Deadline is the 24th!
8-04-04: Contest DETAILS and a tribute to Bob H. Ninja
The contest DETAILS are in. Check out them in the features section.
On a more serious note, let us take a moment to remember Bob_the_Ninja. He was a good staffer. When there was work to be done
I could always count on Bob to contribute, which is more than I can say for the other staffers. He was perhaps the best staffer we ever had
and he will be missed.
Also, we have another contest in the works scheduled for sometime in September. Details aren't finalized at the moment, but
you can get a sneak peek at one of the prizes here!
(May contain semen stains)
8-02-04: DBG's Pikmin 2 Giveaway!
Details coming soon...
7-17-04: Happy 5 Year 11 Month Anniversary Jennums!
You think we'd update more often..... but we don't. I hear there's some sort of site redesign in the works... but I could be wrong.
This week, our very own Tower presents his very first piece as an official DBG staff writer. He makes fun of his sister's weight problem in his review, so you know it's good!
I also bring to you this week a review of Final Fantasy VII, written by me. Head on over to features and check out both of these reviews!
There's also a news story hot off the presses. Read it if you're one of those boring, dull people who enjoy news and don't get enough "art" in their lives.
6-5-04: EVERY DAY!!
E3 sure was awesome. Oh, you're just interested in an update? Asshole.
New Suggested Stuff! These are the things of which dreams are made! We also have yet another new review up, this time of Muppets Party Cruise for the Nintendo GameCube Entertainment System, courtesy of guest writer Jennums. What business does a Muppets-related party game review have on our site? I suppose one could take the kiddy angle here; kids today are so caught up with playing games that their non-existent girlfriends and non-video game-playing friends will think are cool that they'll ignore otherwise excellent games with amazing gameplay if they have so much as a single bright color or a character who isn't filled with angsty rage. Muppets Party Cruise is one such game that, despite what one may call a "kiddy" exterior, is a total blast and worth every penny, and I blame all the fags who feel they have to compensate for their tiny penes by purchasing games filled with gore for the failure of MPC and the unlikelihood of ever seeing a sequel.. Would've helped if they advertised it, too.
Next update will be the bringing of the news stories that have been lying around for months! It might even happen before the end of the month if you kids play your cards right.
5-11-04:We update every day at DBG!
Hay guys, we have yet another review for you today, brought to you by Kevin "Cowface" Tucker (shhh, *wink*). Head on over to our features section and read it!
5-10-04:Snake! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
I'm in a hurry again, so this will be brief. We have another review up courtesy of the very lovely Miss Elzie_Ann. She slogged through Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes for you folks! That's love and attention and care, right there. Stop by Features and give it a read, hmm?
There may be another update soon depending on whether Joshums gets off his lazy ass or not. Finals and graduation in a few days are no excuse, mister!
5-8-04:I couldn't wait another twelve hours
Hey guys, I'm in a hurry, so I'll have to make this quick. We've got one or two new staffers (and maybe another one or two on the way, we'll see), so there's that. Also, I reviewed True Crime: Streets of LA for the Nintendo GameCube! I think it's my longest review yet, though I can't make any sort of call on the actual quality of it. Won't you check it out in Features?
That's it for this update. E3 is in a few days! WOOOOOO! See you guys there!
4-29-04:WE'RE BACK!
sup.
2-25-04:Temporary update
Our beloved chat, #dbg on mIRC-X, has been moved to irc.dorksnet.com. The correction has been applied to the java
chat also so you can use that if you're too dumb to use mIRC. We will never expect you to use X-chat cuz linux fags are never welcome at DBG.
2-16-04: I swear I don't know where the bombs are. Only the miners know that!
There's good news, and there's bad news. People usually ask for bad news first, so I'll go ahead and share that
first: goatse.cx is gone. It's been gone for a little over a month now, actually, but we felt we'd give it some time
to return before proclaiming it dead prematurely. Sadly, there's no surprise return for goatse.cx. It's gone
forever. Let's all have a moment of silence for it.....
The good news is that I finally got around to doing that E-male bag I've been promising for
so long. Not only that, but News is bumpin' bumpin', and the sharper readers out there will
likely notice two things: first, we have a new staffer! Yay! Let's all welcome Miss Elzie_Ann with open arms.
ASL, Elzie? Oh ho ho, just kidding! Second, new guest writer Cowface provided one of this update's stories. He's currently
training at Camp DBG in an undisclosed location to become our next staffer. Poor Elzie doesn't get to be the new guy
for more than a week. What's that? We're overflowing with so much news that we've got major anal leakage problems.
Expect another update within a week! Wow!
And what of this next update, anyway? Well! Besides news (and if you're lucky, new Suggested Stuff), I'll be
putting together a review of True Crime: Streets of LA. Because I want to get into E3 care just that much.
That should do it. Full House is on, so I'd better get going before I miss this episode's moral....shit, Jesse is
talking to Michelle and the "lesson" music is playing!
Also, let it be knownst that the Madden Challenge DBG fan
club is up and runnaaaang! There is a link to the left, just below the site links. So if you want to be included in the fan club
go ahead and e-mail us your image to be included on the page. Remember, fag0ts need
not apply!
1-27-04:HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!11
Happy 21st birthday to DBG's very own Tower, aka DJ Nicklaus!
 
We love you!!!11
1-12-04: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa
So as not to get anyone's hopes up or anything, I'll tell you now that there won't be any e-male bag this update.
Don't consider this a real update. Well, actually, you CAN because there's stuff to check out in our rarely-updated
Features section. Not one but TWO reviews of some PC games bring it back from the grave thanks to
guest writer Tower.
You shouldn't consider this an actual update because my real reason for being here is to wish everyone a Happy ripper Day!
WOOOOOOOOOO RIPPER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TONIGHT IS A OGOD NIGHT FELLAS WOOOOOOOOOOO! Yes, tales tell of a young man who, one
year ago today, ODed on drugs on his webcam and over IRC, delighting all onlookers. His tragedy has kept us entertained this
past year as we've laughed at him, cried (presumably in some way related to him), and driven every line he said in the chat into
the ground by quoting them all endlessly.
Yes, ripper, you truly were a great man. You've provided the internet with comedy rarely before seen. Yours is truly a tale
that will forever be remembered in myths and legends throughout time. CHEERS AND RIGHTY HOE!
12-22-03: how do i updated website
Whoops! How did we let two-and-a-half months go by without an update? Silly us! I guess we've been so caught
up in playing video games together here at DBG HQ that we forgot abour our starving readers. You can always
e-male us and bug us about updating if you really want. Seriously. We don't mind.
Which brings me to this update's content, which is nothing but News. Sorry, I'm in a
rush to update and I don't have time to get around to that e-male bag update I promised. I'll do it next
time, I sssssswear! Oh, and of course we updated Suggested Stuff. What's a bimonthly update without some new
Suggested Stuff, hmm?
That's it for now. I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Kwaaaaazy Kwanzaa, a
solemn Ramadan, and a tip-top Tet. E-mail next time I promise kthxbye!
10-02-03: Now that we have a headquarters, we should probably update more often
Hey guys, I'm back! I told you all to call if I looked dead, but did you? No! Assholes! For future
reference, you know, in case I go missing again, the phone number to get in contact with us at DBG headquarters
is (619) 546-4854. Call between the hours 9 am and 5 pm as we're outta here as soon as that fifth chime rings on
our clocks. As for how I'm updating at 1:36 am, well, we had a busy day, so I decided to take my work home with
me. That's the kind of regard I hold for each and every one of our readers. You guys are like my family. But
enough of this sappy stuff! There's actually content to discuss GASP SHOCK HORROR!!
So then, hop on over to News for a couple of stories that may just surprise you. Hint: one
is about a video game based on the 911 terrorist attacks. Does the party ever stop?! The other is some story
about something, I don't know, but I wrote it, so you'd be wise to give it a gander. Also, Suggested Stuff has once
again been updated. Cool Stuff just keeps growing and growing. Finally, I'd like to
link to this article from Rolling Stone. It's an
interesting read, focusing -- surprise surprise -- on Everquest. I wonder what would happen to the intense scrutiny
aimed at games if everyone were to stop playing Everquest. You hear that? STOP PLAYING YOU FREAKS! It's not
that I think the game is dangerous or anything of that sort, it's just that it sucks. Losers. Special thanks to reader
LeAnne Christoffel for the hot tip!
Now is the time when I update you on next update's happenings, unlike that Joshums who leaves you all hanging like
the horrible, inconsiderate asshole that he is. He's on the outs, folks! He's dead! That is to say, I just remembered
we received a few e-males over the past few months that we never addressed, so I think I'll do an e-malebag for the next
update to accompany the requisite numerous news stories that need up writing. And that'll do it, then! Toodles!
9-10-03: FIRST OFFICIAL UPDATE FROM DBG'S BRAND NEW HQ IN BEAUTIFUL EAST SAN DIEGO!
That's right folks, DBG now has an official office building where we now conduct our business. Special thanks to all our charitable contributers
who made it possible for us to lease the building.
The cool stuff has been updated. That's it and that's all. There are a few more mp3s in there, so check out them. Until next time!
7-19-03: FIREBAUGH!
Hey guys, time for another update. Our pressroom was overflowing with dated material due to lazy staffers and what not, so I took the
liberty of writing up every single news story we had all by myself. However, I did it a little differently.
Inspired by the GBA title Wario Ware, Inc.: Mega Microgame$, I wrote every news story in one or two sentences,
summing up the big picture. Think of it as the tl;dr of overdue material. So head on over to the news section
and check out it.
I was also going to update the suggested stuff today, but I felt it would be more appropriate to wait til August to start some
new stuff. Speaking of suggested stuff, we can't have any suggested stuff if no one suggests stuff. So
e-male your wacky suggestions to us. That is all. You are free to go now.
7-04-03: Happy Independence Day!
Update in da hizouse yizo! Where to start. There are a ton of news stories backed up in the pressroom but for some reason
no one wants to write up them. It's a shame really. Our new site isn't quite ready and I don't think it will be for some time,
at least until Funzo gets his act together. Drugs.
We have a very special treat for our readers. The Industry Giant II review is finished, but not by me! That's right, we paid good money
to have a PC game expert write the review for us. Thank you Tower for completing a task that has been daunting me for ages. Head on
over to the features section to read the review. I can assure you our next update isn't far off, so keep checking
the site yo!
6-12-03: Happy 17th Birthday Kirbyblade!
I know you are all probably lighting candles and doing all sorts of other things to celebrate Chick Corea's birthday, but let
us not forget our dear friend Kirbyblade who turns 17 years young today. Happy birthday Kirbyblade! May you continue to fill
our irc chat with your British wit.
As far as content goes, we have two new news stories for y'all, so read them while they're hot. Also, we
didn't update at E3 only because we couldn't figure out how to access our ftp. Quick summary: Joshums gets his wallet stollen,
Funzo never shows up, EvilMario drinks passes out and pukes, and Rimmer gets rimmed... by a cow. More on all of that later... maybe.
5-11-03: Happy Mothers Day!
Sup sup sup, DJ Joshums be coming back at you and I be in effect. There's a new editorial in the features
section so read it if you would like to do so. E3 begins Wednesday morning and DBG will be there. Congratulations Class of 2003!
(college, not high school)
Also, in addition to Mother's Day, today is also Bob Marley Day. Pls do not do drugs.
5-05-03: Torials that are of or related to edits
Yo yo yo, Joshums be back at you with anothre update! This time I come bearing content! Head on over to our
features section for, not one, but TWO editorials! If one of them looks a little familiar
it is because I took an old editorial and passed it off as new work so I can get into E3 without having to write
anything new deja vu is a major symptom of SARS and you need to see a doctor right away.
Well folks, according to my E3 script, E3 2003 officially begins May 14th at 10:00 AM (PDT) which is: 1wk 1day 11hrs 24mins 20secs from now,
and when we're at E3 anything could happen. We might bring you some type of exclusive stuff but you never know. Stay tuned during and after
E3 for fresh content. If Funzo finishes the new site before E3 we just might bring you live updates during the show. Let
us all pray he does get the new site up and running.
5-02-03: I'll update when I damn well please
Here's your update, you ungrateful douchebags. Sorry 'bout the wait, but I've been terribly busy doing
absolutely nothing the past few months. Why doesn't Joshums update? WHY DOESN'T JOSHUMS UPDATE?!
This time, we've got some news that's been needing writing for ages. Mad props to Bob for writing up ze
News,
even though it's a bit terse and difficult to follow. All that matters is that we keep you updated and
entertained, right, RIGHT?!
Next update! In the weeks leading up to e3, I'm sure things are going to be very busy around here. People
need to write their editorials and staffers need to get fired. And comedy "The redesign is on the way" option.
No really, I swear it! There are also some really good toy commercials coming up!
4-30-03: DBG is an unbelievable website!
Rimmer still hasn't updated... UNBELIEVABLE! Funzo still hasn't finished the new site... UNBELIEVABLE!
4-20-03: HAPPY COLUMBINE DAY!
HAPPY COLUMBINE DAY!
4-16-03: That was a scary couple of half hours
Yo yo yo jigga jigga wut jigga wut wut! DBG is back from the dead and coming at you live from spring break in [insert
exotic location here]. Cheaphostonline can go suck a duck, they don't own us anymore. That's right Cheaphostonline, we don't
need you. Go make us a sandwich. Special thanks to Funzo for hooking up us with FREE hosting that is superior to that which
before we had. Also, if you haven't done so already, register for our NEW and IMPROVED forums.
Our new site should be up shortly also, so enjoy the classic look while you can before it gone forever.... forever..... for...e.....ver.
No new news or features just yet, probably because of our being dead for 2 months. Rumour has it, however, that we have two news storys
that are either in our work-in-process inventory or in our finished goods inventory. They should be up shortly. I must also remind
y'all that Sunday, April 20th, is Columbine Day. It is a tradition that our site be down every year for Columbine day, but hopefully
this year will different. If you have a personal story about Columbine, or if you have a special way you like to celebrate Columbine Day, pls
emale us and share. g2g bbl ttfn lates. /me quit
1-30-03: CRAAAWWWLLLIIIINNGG IIINNN MYYYY SKIIIINNNNN
Hey folks, I'm back once again to provide you with another update filled with journalistic integrity, hard-hitting
exposés, and in-depth articles about some nonsense. Either that, or we've got three new News
articles for ya. Hey, remember S-U-P-E-R? He's still alive and writing for us! We're an eclectic, fun bunch, so
read those news stories for a good time, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more.
But wait! We have an e-male section, don't we? Yep, and it's been finally updated. Check
it out, won't you? Please e-male us so it doesn't go another seven months
or however long without being updated.
That'll do for now. There's some more news that needs to be up written as always, so I think we'll get to that within the next...
oh, week? Something like that. And there'll be suggested stuff for February too. Joshums may be a lazy fagmelon,
but damnit, this ship won't go down on my watch! Okay, I should go. Passions is on, and Luis and Sheridan are
saying their good-byes to each other, I think.
1-05-03: DBG without Rimmer is like pizza without french fries and oreos
Hello funhats, clownboats, and everyone in between. It be update time again yo! I would update Industry Giant II for y'all but
I seem to have left the disk at school and won't be able to play the game for another 3 weeks or so. But of course y'all can always
go out and buy the game yourself instead of waiting to hear what I think. If you like simulation games, and you like the idea of running
your own business, you will probably enjoy Industry Giant II. You see JoWood, DBG's publicity is much better than any other site's reviews.
So send us more games.
Anyways, this brief update contains a whole news article, so make your way on down to the news
section to read it. And umm... uhh.... buy our merchandise, give us monies, and buy Industry Giant II. And don't do drugs kids.
12-20-02: Time ta haul some keel, YARR!!!1
Ah, more than a month and a half since our last update. That's more like it. Without warning, our hosting
exploded and we had to renew the domain and stuff. Just in time, too, because we almost started updating regularly.
Disaster averted. Anyway, everything is resolved, so the site should be up and completely reliable and functional
for another year. For three months!
What did we pull from our collective arses for this update? Well, I finally delivered on my promise of a
Resident Evil 0 review, and you can check
that out over in the Features section. I highly suggest
you read it, because it took me quite a while to write it. At two in the morning, no less! Also, as always,
Bob is always busy doing something, and he's written up another piece of news over in
News. God bless him. Expect nothing more from this update, not even suggested stuff. Stupid Cheaphostonline. If people
just donated a couple of dollars a month, this wouldn't be a problem, hint hint...
Where's Joshums's review of Industry Giant II? Good question. I see he's been feeding you lies about being busy.
Well, he's off school now, so let's see if he actually reviews it now. My money is on he doesn't review it.
There are also a couple of news articles that still need writing. That may or may not happen. See, I'm leaving
back home in a few days, so once again the site will be in the hands of Joshums. I'll probably die from the massive
withdrawals I'll suffer as a result of weeks without internet, but oh well. Hopefully he'll keep you guys up to date
and won't try to pass of his propaganda as excuses. Until the new year, then.
11-03-02: RACE BARREL!
Wow, another update! What happened to us? We used to be so...unreliable. Meeeemories...anyway, yes, yes,
there's business to attend to. First, as promised, News has
seen an update with another three nifty headlines, one actually written by me! When was the last time I actually
did any work? Hrm...oh, and the lovely Miss Sanluyene is still working hard. Which is strange, because if you've
been here for any length of time at all, you'd know our staffers turn into lazy fag0rts after getting hired.
Strange indeed.
Oh, and I said I wasn't going to keep you waiting about a few things. Right then, there's the matter of PETAR
SIR's art. Well, I wouldn't expect to see that any time soon, if ever. I think he died or something. We actually haven't
spoken since before e3, so if you've had your hopes up looking for something unique on DBG, something that
would get you to come back regularly in anticipation, SCREW OFF! We don't want your kind here! Then there's
Joshums's review of Industry Giant II. He's a lazy, lazy bastard, so again, be patient. It'll get here...eventually.
And if you're curious, that redesign is still a ways away as well. That's okay, I like the way the site is now.
It has a certain charm, a certain...je ne sais quois.
So you're thinking to yourself, you're thinking "FUX0R! I'm sick of getting raped up the ass by you guys and your empty
promises! I'm taking my donation money elsewhere, like a site that has tons
of annoying pop-ups and embedded page advertisements. A site that is incredibly irresponsible with bandwidth,
and wastes money on pleasure trips disguised as business trips, yet all the while demanding donations, claiming
to be in desperate need of cash." To that I can only say, "JERK!" Hey, Resident Evil 0 comes out next week, right?
I tell you what: I'll review the game for you fine folks, just like I reviewed
the first one so many months ago. That should be SOMETHING, at least. So, er, expect to see that in a few weeks.
I think that'll do it for this update. See ya in the funny pages.
He's a lazy, lazy bastard, so again, be patient. This statement is completely false folks. I am a very busy, hardworking
college student who has no time for video games at the moment. Rimmer is the lazy one sir. No more Joshums-bashing pls kthx!
10-31-02: I hope you still remember
In lieu of actual content today, read this hilarious story from Sonny_Crockett on the Something
Awful Forums.
"I got banned from a friendly fire CS server on 9/11 this year."
The admin (who was on my team) called for a "moment of silence" for 9/11, it took several
rounds of arguing, but he finally got everybody to agree to do it, next round. I happened to spawn right next
to him; I snuck up on him with the knife and about halfway through the "moment" I typed "NEVAR FORGET!" and
stabbed him in the head repeatedly. It took him longer to ban me than I expected, he was probably having
trouble typing.
Expect an actual update sometime this weekend! Fun! Exciting!
10-24-02: Someone donate the live action La Blue Girl DVDs to us me
Hey look, I'm still alive. So after sifting through hundreds upon hundreds of applications (not really), and after
seeing her quality work, we've decided to hire a new staffer. I imagine the lovely miss Sanluyene will have her
very own eyecon (lol i r clevar) and profile up soon enough. Yay!
We have some sort of screening process, right? Yes, and that means that you can head on over to News to
read her quality work, as well as another news tidbit from our ridiculously productive staff ninja. He's unstoppable; may God have mercy on us all. Oh,
and real quick, I'd like to give a huge thanks to the wonderful, the talented, the way-too-nice-for-her-own-good LeA Christoffel for her donation, which
went towards payment of this month's server costs. WE LOVE YOU! YOU ROCK! Everyone else follow her lead and donate too! Prizes galore!
Someone please e-mail us! Stop by the chat, too.
We get terribly lonely. Hey, whatever became of PETAR SIR's art? What's all this talk of Industry Giant II? Will these
questions get answered in the next update? Only time will tell! And don't worry, we won't keep you in the
dark for long. There's some more news to report, so expect an update within a relatively short period of
time. Seriously. I swear. FO REALZ!
10-15-02: NOW HIRING! Update #215
For some reason, thousands of people have been sending us email with the impression that we are hiring. Where would they get
such an idea? If you think for some reason we should hire you, you must send an e-mail
to Rimmer, our official hiring guy, telling him why you would make a good staff member. But chances are he won't hire you
because we don't want to be like some fag0ty websites that have a million useless staffers.
One more thing I have to say, we sleep with 25 women a day a special thanks goes out to the good folks
who sent us Industry Giant II for the PC. I will review the game when I get around to it. That's right companies; we review
games so send us you j00r games for free!
9-13-02: Happy Friday the 13th!!!!11
Why must all my update titles end with exclaimation marks and ones? Anywho, another update is here for y'all. It's kinda
ridiculous to do bulk updates when you only have one story, no? EVERYONE VOTE FOR PHP INSTANT UPDATES! Also, you
did hear me right. I do have a news story for y'all. Just head on over to the news section and check
it out.
Also note that we did not update on September 11th, unlike a certain rival site
that claims they didn't update when, in fact, they did update and made it look like they didn't. We at DBG would never
do anything that dishonest and disrespectful to our loyal readers. We love you guys and our hearts go out to all the
victims and families affected by the 9-11 disasters.
I have one more important thing to say. Effective this update, BreakyGirl is no longer a part of our wonderful staff.
BreakyGirl, everyone here at DBG including myself wishes you the best of luck. We are sorry that you have to leave us.
Your watch is in the mail.
That concludes this update. Please keep reading, as we have an awesome E3 2002 special on the way. Lates!
9-07-02: Hopefully the last your mom ever
So now that summer vacation has ended, you'll start seeing a lot more of me around these parts. Whether that's a good thing or not
(I can't imagine anyone preferring Joshums to me), well, that's for you to decide. I guess Joshums will still update
on occasion, as I'm a lazy bastard and my staffers are about as useful as turds. With that out of the way, onto what there is
to this update.
Well, eheh, not much at all, actually. In fact, only one thing over in News to read.
You've probably already heard about it elsewhere, but if not, would you please be so kind as to express your gratitude not through
an e-mail filled with praise, not through visiting the site and hitting refresh again and again (speaking of which, I don't know
what's up with that counter, but I'll see if that can be fixed), but by hitting the Paypal donation link and
letting us know, through donations, that you love us? Because all you people are is dollar signs to us we love you.
H-hey, remember when DBG was supposed to be redone all PHP-like? Well, he who was responsible for that is a lazy fagmelon, so don't
expect to see it anytime soon. Actually, I'm curious about something. For anyone who may be reading this, I've got a question: would
you rather see the site updated in bulk with a front page gibberish pointing you to updates, or would you prefer a format where
all the news stories and other updates are linked to separately on the front page, a la PGC?
Just an example. Any and all opinions are appreciated. Just E-mail us, won't you? Aside from
that, er...well, now that I've re-familiarized myself with updating, and since there are plenty of news stories to catch up on, maybe, just maybe,
there'll be another update soon. Kthxbye
9-06-02: Hopefully the last front page gibberish EVAR!!!11
On behalf of the DBG staff and myself, I would like to thank EvilMario for his generosity. That is right. EvilMario
recently donated a total of $1 to our cause. Thank you EvilMario once again. It is people like EvilMario who make
our website happen. Hopefully others will follow in EvilMario's footsteps and donate us more money. Even a small donation can
make a difference. GIVE US YUOR MONEY!!!!!111 It' up to you! Do you want to be an EvilMario or an EvilMario?
Only an EvilMario can EvilMario for our EvilMario on an EvilMario EvilMario
whose EvilMario happens to be an EvilMario EvilMario on the EvilMario EvilMario EvilMario.
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