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Harvest Moon: Magical Melody Review
Written: 05/09/06
If this were a review I planned to put any effort into, I would start it out with an overview of the game and perhaps a quick summary of relevant points, before wading my way through boring technical details and then slapping a number at the end like all the cool kids do. Fortunately I am not actually planning to put any effort into this at all, so suffice to say by way of introduction that if you have ever played a Harvest Moon game before, you know all of the basics concerning Magical Melody, and if you have not, you should probably die in a fire.
Oh, yes, I like that tone. Yes...
...Right, so. We'll start with graphics, since they are clearly the least important item in the great standardized list of video game attributes ripe to be reviewed within, er, reviews. Like this one. This is a review, written within the past six months of-- yes, right, graphics. Magical Melody has for the most part scrapped the more realistic looks of its Gamecube predecessor, A Wonderful Life, in favor of a more stylized, cartoony approach, somewhat like that of Friends of Mineral Town, the best Harvest Moon game ever. Except in 3D. Obviously. I for one fully applaud this decision, and all those faggots bitching about how ugly the polygons are or how few textures there are can go die. (In a fire. Sure.)
Additionally... yeah, never mind, I don't think graphics deserve a second paragraph!
Next on the list is sound, because honestly I'm just following the format of Rimmer's Killer 7 review, don't tell anyone. Unfortunately (for me, because I think these articles have a minimum acceptable length), there isn't much to say about Magical Melody's sound. Despite what the title may imply. Also, the sound on my television doesn't work. Don't tell anyone that either. However, based on previous Harvest Moon games, and Magical Melody's general adherence to the traditions they've set for the series, I think it's safe to say the music is fairly forgettable, if generally pleasant background noise fitting whatever season you are currently in. Sound effects are what you would expect; questionable thudding from the upstairs bedroom various thuds corresponding to whether you are hammering Ann using your hammer, axe or hoe, that pee noise your watering can makes ... that pee noise your watering can makes, you know, the usual. Plus, Alex's voice. Instant 10. So dreamy... er, I mean, why do we even talk about sound effects? Who cares? God. Moving on.
The core of Magical Melody's gameplay adheres to Harvest Moon tradition; that is, you'll want to till your field, plant seeds, perform the endless drudgery of watering said planted seeds, harvest your crops, and reap your hilariously lucrative rewards. Harvest Moon is so unrealistic. On top of this you'll (hopefully) acquire various animals to take care of -- most importantly, chickens, cows, and sheep. And by that I mostly mean just cows, because seriously, who cares about chicken and sheep? You'll also get a dog, pig and any number of horses; the first two serve absolutely no purpose (except to require food and constant empty declarations of love -- kind of like your spouse later on), but the horses can be ridden around to cut down on travel time (also presumably like your spouse, except replace "cut down on travel time" with "make babies." God bless Harvest Moon.)
Everything in the fucking game now has a "love meter," by the way, so now you can finally befriend that elusive monkey in the mountains, cradle him in your arms and feed him grapes by the light of moon over Mother's Hill-- er, I mean, tell how much the townspeople and various animals around town like you, something that in previous games could only be guessed at if they were not directly eligible for marriage. But you know... you can do the monkey thing too. Not that I do, but... you can. No one will know.
Also unlike the previous iterations in the series, Magical Melody features three separate starting locales, each with their own advantages and disadvantages -- but don't worry, if you don't like where you chose to start, keep in mind you can purchase the other two plots of land (along with the entire rest of the town, which you will notice I have not mentioned the name of, yet. Certainly not because I forgot it. Certainly not...) Also unlike its predecessors, Magical Melody features a plot that is not limited to "You inherit/win/find a farm. You decide to become a farmer!" Now you've won a farm, decided to become a farmer, and found a statue that is in fact the Harvest Goddess, and vowed to rescue her before some other farmer in the town -- a transsexual named Jamie -- no, seriously -- can beat you to it. You will do this by collecting various musical notes, which are earned by performing various tasks, such as standing motionless in one place for a especially long period of time. (You do get a note for this. Try it. I'm not joking!)
Finally, another tidbit of note is that you can now choose to play as a boy or girl, rather than waiting another year for "Harvest Moon: More Magical Melodies" to be released just so you can properly woo the man of your dreams. God bless you, Natsume. God bless. There are also no less than ten potential suitors for either gender's protagonist, a series high (I think, I can't be assed to check.) Fans of the dating elements of Harvest Moon will be pleased.
Oh, and don't worry. There's none of that stupid cow faggotry from A Wonderful Life, here. Yay!
On the subject of replay value, Harvest Moon is by its very nature designed to be played for as long a period of time as possible. Between growing food, caring for animals, buying up all the land on the planet, mining for shit (I did mention there is mining in this game, right? Kind of like Friends of Mineral Town, except more gay because time actually passes in the mine now), upgrading all your crap, collecting all the cooking recipes (there's cooking too, but it's also not as cool as it was in FoMT), and befriending everything and its mother (seriously, why do the monkeys have love meters now) you'll seriously never run out of things to do.
So, basically, unless you are a tremendous faggot, be prepared to play this game for a very long time.
Dannielle Pence, Staff Writer
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